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i remembered last term (was it last term?)
we learned about bilingualism.
to be honest, i can't really remember what the module was about.
but i could still remember the feeling everytime i came across the word bilingualism at that time.

since i was this cute (teehee) little girl,
i had always wanted to learn foreign languages badly.
very badly.
yes, it is one of my dreams.
but up until now, i still haven't managed to have a go at it.

i did join an Arabic class during my dark-blue-pinafore years,
 but it was only for a month. it was like thousand years ago.
and we learned words that we barely use everyday.
so of course, i can barely remember any of them.

then i was excited when i was about to enter my secondary school
because i thought that i would finally have that chance,
since it is a boarding school.
but no, i didn't.
there was a subject for Arabic when i was in Form 1 and 2,
but as far as i can remember, it was more like introduction to Jawi than lessons about Arabic. so it was not that helpful.

and now, here. before i arrived here, i was like,
"this is it! my chance to learn foreign language is finally here!"
but again, for the thousandth time, i was disappointed.
there is no subject on foreign languages here.
however they did give me (false) hope
when they asked us to choose the foreign languages
that we would like to learn this year,
but there was no further news since then. *sigh*

so when we learned about bilingualism last term,
the drive to fulfill this dream comes attacking me again.
i really, really want to fulfill this desire -
to learn foreign language(s).
i had even google-ed some online foreign language classes.
yes, that's how desperate i was.
i even have a long list
of foreign languages that i would like to learn.
first is Arabic, followed by French and Chinese (maybe Mandarin).
next is Spanish, then Japanese.
okay. maybe only Arabic and French.
or Arabic and Spanish. or just all of them. haha!
ok i know that this is a very long list
and it is nearly impossible and unrealistic to be competent in all.
but you should also know that it's really hard to choose only one
when you had always wanted to learn foreign languages.

so then i thought that once im back in Malaysia,
i will carry on with this plan no matter what it takes, by God's willing.
maybe after i start working.
it won't be easy, i know.
but i really want to go through that experience -
the joy and the pain of learning foreign language.
so please pray for me, yar?


Post Scriptum:
isn't this the most beautiful thing alive?
oui,  im talking about him speaking french. oh so beautiful!

learn French fast, Fatin. so u can flirt with him.

erkk?? nawaitu sudah lari nih! :P

the big D

dear Big D,

Alhamdulillah.

you're finally here.

finally here.

can't exactly explain how i feel

now that you're here.

fully satisfied?

not really sure about that.

regretful?

not that either.

maybe just pure relief.

i eventually managed to bring you to life

despite months of tension

endless mind blocks

numbers of procrastination

return journeys to the library

the love-hate relationships with piles of written papers

some skipped breakfast and proper sleeps

screams of desperation

the maintenance of forced efforts

the nearly-fainted moments

and other things that i wish not to can't remember.
so i guess, i am truly relieved after all.

see this? that is only on my bed. you haven't seen the mess that you bring to my life.

 yes, somehow i'm very happy that you're finally here

as a dedication to my dear family

future family, future students

and everyone else whom I love.  

alhamdulillah (:

all thanks to Him.
and to everyone else
who helps me to bring you here.

please take good care of yourself

now that you're on your own

for your Judgement Days.

and please remember

my prayers are always with you

hoping that you'll be safe and sound.

so please come back fast

and bring a good news

or at least a bearable one.

sincerely,

the one who is eagerly waiting for you

but will never miss you.

panic attack!

you see, i'm having a panic attack since last week. the pre-third year panic attack, to be exact. im not mentally ready to go back to Plymouth and be sane in classes. no, not now, pleaseeee T_T


but the time is running up and i think i really need to start to face the reality: i'll be back in Marjon next week and this lovely holiday will end right away. in other words, i need to attend classes, do assignments assignments assignments, read booksss, visit schools, dissy-ing. scary lah third year nih. i can feel the aura of the intense workload coming already!

*hantukhantuk kepala kat dinding sbb takut*

boleh x jgn panik sgt, fatin?

oh saye malas

can i not do the assignment ??
oh saye malas taw.
tanak buwat.
tp kne buwat. ):


once the assignment is over,
i want to have fun sampai lupe donia.

duwet oh duwet.

the allowance are finally in! yeah, finally. ble owg da putus harapan n majuk, bru la die na masok.


some friends said that im lucky that i'd overpaid a month for the university accommodation before the summer holiday as this will make me have extra money to spend now. so, as I was so happy to be org kaya baru, i'd been thinking about the things that i want to do with the money.


then i remembered the famous advice, "elaon tu duwet kerajaan tuuu."


*sigh*


so i decided to spend them only for my needs. but pls bear in mind that satistying my wants is also among the top needs for fatin, yea? hahaa ^^


but yeah, seriously. back to the famous advice, everyone has been bising2 about us spending the allowance for craps. well, they call it craps. those craps are like buying gadgets, travelling around, splurging them at the malls and the list goes on. "membazirkan duwet rakyat," they say.



well I'm not mad at them nor saying that they're wrong. in fact, they may be right.



but this is the way i see it. the monthly allowance is given by the government to support our financial needs during our study here. so yeah, we use most of the moolah for the accommodation, groceries and academical needs, like printer, stationeries and books. yes, you read it right: MOST are spent for those stuffs. then only we can spend for the craps, using the money left or hard-earned money from part-time jobs or even from cutting our budget for food. (you should know that the last option is the least favourable one for the most of us.)



so yes, we do spend the allowance to fulfil our shopping desires but God, no, we never forget the main reason why we get it on the first place. not sure if this applies to all, but i do believe most of us never forget that. or else, we'll not still be here.


then again, i'm not writing this to stop people from giving us the famous advice. well, when you have an amount of banknotes in your hands, it's a lie if you do not want to spend them for fun. i believe that this is the case for most people out there. most people do this, or at least have the intention to. so, who are lying we to ?